Mother's Day was such a beautiful day. The weather was perfect, and we enjoyed family time. We went to the Mother's Day service at our church, and afterwards Thomas and I brought Sveta, Oliver, and Dennis to our house. We spent the afternoon getting it ready for the family to come over, and making a special dinner. It turned out great, and we had a lot of fun!
Dennis made Mom this nice poster.
Happy Mother's Day to my amazing, loving, forgiving, fun, incredible Mom! You are my best friend, and I don't know what I'd do without you. You really are the Master of Mothering!
Even though today was a great day, it was also a really hard day for me. During the church service, I was brought to tears many times during the worship, baby dedications, and message. At the end of last November, Thomas and I had a miscarriage. It was hard at first, but I thought I was doing okay after awhile. Now that months have passed it's really hard. I think about it all the time, and that's not an exaggeration. I think, "Now I would be X amount of months along. The room would be ready. I'd know the gender. I could feel it kick, only if I didn't miscarry." I've blamed myself and struggled a lot with anger, depression, and confusion. I wonder when the pain from it will go away, but right now it's hard to think it ever will. It's easier said then done to trust in God, His perfect timing and that He has it all in control. I know all that deep down, but it doesn't mean I struggle at times, and I feel guilty for being angry at God, when I know He loves me and is hurting when I am. I don't understand why Thomas and I are going through this, and I most likely won't on this earth. Right now, I just keep praying that if it's His will, He'll bless us with another baby someday.